Since I am together with my wife, I got insight into a world unknown to me until then. Before, I was busy with skills and knowledge. But if I want to have a successful relationship, I need more skills. So-called soft skills. It is the reading between the lines of life.

At my wife’s employer, a hospital, these skills are a matter of course. Most of the employees can assess the feelings and sensitivities of the other person. People ask questions and try to please them. More or less successfully.

At my employer, a software service provider, it is different. Soft skills are rare, and the world is one of hard skills, one of measurable performance, or so it seems. I encountered an almost cliché example on my first day of work. A man came in who was on a committee responsible for enforcing company values. He mentioned Schulz von Thun’s four levels. This model describes that we are on different altitudes in communication. Namely, according to this model, we communicate on the matter level, appeal side, relationship side or make self-disclosure. This value manager then said, we communicate in this company on the matter level. This example is almost cute. He knew the levels, but didn’t understand that we have limited influence on the level. I had to visibly grin when he said that.

My hypothesis is that both soft skills and hard skills set you apart from your counterpart when you are superior. Thus, with an understanding of communication, I can show more initiative and actively shape conversations as well as the progress of the project. And this especially when my counterpart is weaker on this level.

In addition, I claim that hard skills also make a difference. If my wife’s boss wants to please everyone, she can take advantage of this and her concerns will be understood. But she can also stand out from her colleagues through better performance.