There exist general red flags that something is off when looking at a person. But there is one thing that I don’t think people are aware of. How clean is an apartment says a lot about the imperfection tolerance of the occupants.

Situation 1: I don’t want unannounced guests because my place is not tidy or cleaned.

This can either mean that there was just too much going on, and you deliberately neglected to keep your apartment clean and tidy. This is the best-case scenario. But it could also be that you are just telling yourself that, and to be honest, for the past year, the apartment has only met your standard of cleanliness and tidiness for four weeks at the most. You have to admit to yourself that there’s a problem. I see several possible reasons for this:

1. Either, you are overloaded and need to decelerate immediately.
2. You are a mess and don’t want to admit it to yourself.
3. Your standard for cleanliness and order is unrealistic.

I want to address the last one because the others seem obvious to me. Cleanliness and order serve us and are not ends in themselves. Depending on the person, they help us focus, find things, organize thoughts, be spontaneous because you are ready. Life is about these things. Order is only a means to an end. It is therefore essential to have a realistic and purposeful definition of tidiness.

Situation 2: You spontaneously go to visit someone. Everything is tidy and clean. You are impressed. You have to go to the restroom and when you wash your hands you notice that there are no water stains.

This is much worse than the first situation, in my opinion. Because that means the person is always cleaning. Does not tolerate dirt. There is no room for stress or spontaneity. There is no room for life. Beware of such people. If they cannot tolerate life with its consequences, then you have no place as soon as something dirty comes out about you. These people are against life and suffocate their environment. I don’t know anyone who is like that and has many friends or often comes among people because life is too uncontrollable, hurtful, and repulsive.

Are you such a person yourself: It’s great that you have noticed that. That is a strong achievement. Your life could be so much richer if you could tolerate some chaos in your life. You are only creating a prison for yourself, and the security you feel is not real. Real life is a dance of joy and pain with dirt and soap. You probably can’t get out of your prison alone. Find a person you trust, if you still have one, and ask them to bring you very little chaos. Have a pet or child over for a visit. Cook or bake with each other. If you don’t have one, it would likely be appropriate to get professional help. There is no shame in that.